Linda, Where the heck are you?
Are you ok?
Hope to see you soon.
Mom.
I received this voicemail message while I was riding on the bus from O'Hare airport to Rockford. I had had nothing but trouble with the travel home that year, and I was late in arriving. But I got there soon after the message, and all was well. That was the last voicemail message I received from Mom, Irene. She died February 2, 2008.
(Christmas 2007 with our wonderful friend Betty. The last picture on my camera of Mom.)
I kept the message for years, but this time, when I got a new phone, all my archived messages disappeared. I suppose it's all right. I certainly remember her voice, and obviously I recall every word of the message. I also kind of think that Mom does not want to see me soon according to earth time because if that were to happen, it would mean I would have joined her on the other side.
Of course, I have no idea what's on the other side. Maybe Mom is sitting right here with me as I write this, so that "missing her" is meaningless. I'm guessing that the thing we think of as "time" just isn't the same at all. I'll find out for myself soon enough, but there seems to be no need to rush this.
Of course I miss her.... a lot...and often. I know I can't write a whole lot about her because even thinking about her makes me cry.
I'm 60 now. What was I doing when she was 60? In 1987 I was in living in Denver, having just moved in 1986. I was doing my second & third semester of my combined midwifery PhD education program. I went home to see her sometime during that summer and at Christmas. We talked on the phone every so often. Dad was still alive too. I'm not sure which dog they had together then. Was it already Hank?
So happy mother's day today to all my friends who are mothers and all my friends who still have mothers living her with us. And I feel for all my friends whose moms have also passed, recently or long ago. It's hard, sometimes, to be an orphan.
(Never refuse to have your picture taken by anybody no matter what you think of your own appearance. You never know that it won't be one of the last ones and that it will become precious to someone before too long.)
I saved the last voicemail from my dad for a long time, too. He was wishing me a Happy Birthday from his hospital bed, something that he had never been able to do when he was well. I'm not sure how he even know what day it was, let alone remembered my birthday.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember the last time I heard my mom speak, because she was sick for quite a while. I do remember reading to her in the hospital though. And she got tears in her eyes.
It's hard for me to remember those things without crying too. It is tough being an orphan sometimes. But orphans stick together and are tough. Just another reason why I like you.